An Episcopal priestess claims Mary "assigned" Jesus male at birth, that he was secretly trans, and that the resurrection was him coming back as his "true transgender self." We think that's not theology -- it's modern gender ideology taped onto Scripture. Jesus was a man. The empty tomb wasn't a transition. Then we watch THE MOTIVATOR | It's Time to Find Your Ocean -- a drunk, stoned "motivator" lectures kids, his nephew steals the keys, and the short goes off the rails. Also: Trump floating a U.S. diesel export ban, drilling at the Durupınar "ark" site plus the drogue stones near Ararat, Frankie vs. Predator in a robot boss fight, and Tommy Robinson saying he was detained again at an airport by counter-terrorism police under Schedule 3 powers -- examined, not charged -- and questioned about his views on Russia.

Quick hits: Clavicular/Braden Peters Cape Cod charges (denied; not a conviction), Wendy's emo album, Fuentes on midterms and the Great Reset, two Ole Miss deaths with kratom reported, jets over Trump and Xi, Roseanne vs. Fishman, Carrot Top 911 audio, Cena roasting The Rock, Ukraine/Zelensky, and the nuclear-rhetoric chatter.

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